Abuse happens at sleep-away camps. But parents are not powerless to prevent it. (2024)

Sleep-away camp has long been a quintessential part of American culture, a rite of passage marked by the separation of families and the blending of peers, a reprieve from screens in favor of nature, and anexperience which, for those fortunate enough to attend, can mark an important chapter in a young person's journey toward independence.

But the prospect of sleep-away campcan also be stressfulfor parents whoare weighing the benefits of such settings with potential risks, including abuse at the hands of an adult or another child.

"It is scary to raise kids today. I have a lot of empathy for a parent, as one myself, but also as a school counselor and a therapist because so many recent news events have underscored that the places where we should feel safest sending our children out into the world do not feel safe," says Phyllis fa*gell, author of "Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help." "I understand the parental instinct to shield a child from all harm."

Experts in parenting, abuse and harassment saythere aresteps parents can take to make their kids less vulnerable in such settings, as well as ensure they are choosing camps committed to discouraging perpetration and addressing potentialabuse.

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"It's crucial that camps have policies and procedures on sexual harassment and abuse and are transparent about them," saysRahel Bayar, a former sex crimes prosecutor and founder and CEO of The Bayar Group, which provides sexual abuse and harassment prevention training for schools and camps. "Effective and impactful training is about setting your camp up as a tough target for perpetrators. Basically putting out a notice saying, 'You are not going to be able to get away with this behavior here.'"

'Not every camp is equal'

Scholar Leslie Paris, author of "Children's Nature: The Rise of the American Summer Camp," sayssummer camps began in the late 19th century in response to urban industrial anxiety among educated white men, who felt theirsons needed outdoor work and adventure to grow up to be productive members of an elite class.

Over time, Paris saysthe purpose and makeup of camps diversified. There was the YMCA movement, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, religious camps, private camps for elite families and community centers sending impoverished first-generation immigrantchildren to camp. Camps became a way to forge community and give kids healthy and funexperiences.

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Safety was a concern at early summer camps, though it largely focused on contagious illness and health standards. When it came to abuse and predation, Paris saysthese concerns were largely wrapped in hom*ophobia.

Bayar saysmany camps today are more attuned to abuse and are taking steps to prevent and mitigate harm, but the absence of national standards, a patchwork of state laws and varying levels of commitment on the issue make some camps safer than others. Camps canbe accredited through the American Camp Association, but a camp doesn't need to be accredited to run.

"Not every camp is equal when it comes to how they treat abuse prevention," Bayar said.

Bayar saysshe works with camps to help leadership and staff better understand abuse, grooming and mandated reporting requirements. She teaches camps how to pick up on the red flags of adult-to-child abuse as well as navigate camper-on-camper abuse.

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How parents canmake their kids less vulnerable

fa*gell, who sent all three of her kids to sleep-away camp, saysparents have to accept some risk in order to allow their children to develop self-efficacy, independence, flexibility, social skills and conflict resolution. She also notes that in the context of the pandemic, where kids are struggling with mental health broadly and social connection specifically, these kinds of experiencesbecome even more valuable.

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fa*gellsaysparents aren't powerless to protect their children. Parents can decrease the likelihood that their child might be targeted by having conversations about safe and unsafe touch, by explaining the difference between healthy and unhealthy secrets, by teaching children how to ask for help and how to be persistent if they don't get it the first time.

The most important thing a parent can do, fa*gell says, is to create an environment where their child can disclose when they or someone they care about has been harmed.

"We want to make sure they understand they will never be punished for sharing," she says. "They should have no guilt. It's not their fault. They need to understand that they will be helped."

Do your camp research

Bayar says parents looking for a safe camp should have a conversation with the owner or administrative director. She discourages parents from relyingsolely on recommendations from other parents.

"It's asking, 'What policies and procedures do you have? How do you train on grooming, on sexual abuse, on sexual harassment? How do you train your staff?'," she says. "And when you ask those questions of a camp administrator, you need to pay attention to whether they are forthcoming or defensive. They should take the time to answer your questions and tell you what they do and how they're constantly improving."

fa*gellsaysshe would also want to know how the camp would communicate with a parent when there is an abuse concern, a disciplinary issue or a social problem.

"Some camps, becauseof the pandemic, have social workers on staff to deal with things like homesickness or social conflict," she says. "Camps should be having a conversation with kids about how they can get support if they need it for themselves or for a friend."

fa*gellemphasizes thatwhile parents can minimize a child's risk of harm, they will never eradicate it completely. The best thing a parent can do is equip their child to cope with negative or traumatic experiences.

"Our job as parents is not to guarantee that our child is never in danger," she said. "Our job is to help them recover and rebound and retain optimism, see themselves as a strong person even when things inevitably go wrong."

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